"He loved her in a subtle kind of way. It wasn’t the kind of love you see in movies, with swelling music and giant gestures and running through the streets to catch a departing train. It wasn’t the kind of love that Byron or Shakespeare wrote about, with flowery language and hyperbole and iambic pentameter. It was still and deep, like water that you might mistake for shallow if you just watched the surface. It was entirely his, not dependent on her own feelings for him, and it would still be there whether she, or him, or everyone else on the world disappeared. It was a subtle kind of love, but it was true."

i feel like home is a little more different. and its a good different. and to be honest i really didnt think it would be different. i kinda expected things to be the same, but theres a definitely a different vibe. maybe cuz i guess all my friends are maturing and i can see it. and i just feels like the people that i hold close to me now at this time and point kinda will determine whos down for me and whose not. kinda like that “ima cut you off” song by kendrick lamar. 

it sounds effed up i know, but i gotta see whos down and whos not. i need to simplify my life so that i can focus more on school. 

omfg school. i dont even know where to begin. i definitely have changed i feel it in the way that i see things. if i sat down right here and typed all the lessons ive learned through out fall semester, youd be like sam, just stfu shit is boring. lol its gonna be a new year and im gonna start this year right. and ima finishing strong. and ima git it. ima go in and ima go hard. this is my life. my present now will determine my future and i cant let nothing stop me. im a friggin aries for crying out loud. im head strong and idgaf. 

but if i only used my own human strength, i would never succeed. im actually pretty fckn weak. and so im gonna ask for help. ima put down my childish selfish pride and ask you for help because, i know that i need you. and im sorry for everything thing ive done because i love you but instead i end up hurting you. but im pleading you stay in my life cuz with out you, my future would be nothing. you are my savior, my rock, my strength. you are my Jesus. 

1. summer has been awesome. nights of just chillin with friends, only going to the beach four times, del mar fair, kickbacks and bars, scrubs, making the nursing program, visiting family in PA etc etc. it couldn’t have been any better. and this summer wasn’t even the best, but it was far more better than all those previous summers. 

2. God has been so good to me. always revealing himself to me right when i need it. he’s answered all my prayers and has blessed me with so many things i’d have to sit down and take a whole day to write them all down. i feel like God has stayed close to me and protected me even when i don’t deserve it. 

3. after seven months of confusion and heartbreak, i finally figured you out. and yes, I’m sticking around because i like you. easy as that. no don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying tie you down or nothing like that. its just that i understand the way you feel. you don’t gotta tell me or remind me all the time, i know. i know. <3

4. school. I’m ready. I’m motivated. I’m ready for three years of hard work. I’m excited. all i wanna do is just focus on school nothing else. no boys. no flirts. no distractions. just me and school. given that God always comes first. 

i’ve definitely matured a lot this year, but i know i still have waaaay more things to learn and I’m ready. for it. 

i am superwoman. yes, i am. 

last time i blogged… was four months ago and it was a picture. its crazy how things can drastically change in just a month. another school year done passed all my classes by the grace of God. 

this year i had so many good memories and bad ones as well. but it was definitely a good year. 

and you. wtf. you. i never thought id here you ask me “will you marry me?” or “i love you” or “good morning babe” just thinking about you makes me smile. i miss you. being with you is pure bliss. you treat me like a queen. the way that you love…. satisfies in every way possible. unfortunately, in the end, we want different things. and no one is going to back down. and so i have to let you go. but i still love you. i always will. i gave you my heart. if we really are meant to be, everything will work out. all i can do is pray that God changes your heart. i have faith he will. i love you. still. 

God. you are good. is always have been. thank you. without you i wouldnt have made it this year. thank you for all the trials you put me through, because without them, i wouldnt have been closer to you and i wouldnt see your goodness in my life. i love you more. you know that. you deserve all glory and praise. and i pray you continue to you use me. create in me a clean heart and renew a right spirit within me. thank you God. 

https://new.myspace.com/kendricklamar/music/album/section.80-17833110